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When President Trump visits Nick Saban: What a fly on the wall might hear

The biggest game of the college football season is now even bigger, as numerous media outlets (including Yellowhammer News) are reporting that President Donald Trump will be traveling to Tuscaloosa this weekend.

Will the president have a few moments to visit with Nick Saban before No. 2 Alabama faces No. 1 LSU?

If so, here’s what the conversation might sound like:

Nick Saban: “Welcome to Tuscaloosa, Mr. President. It’s an honor to have you here.”

President Trump: “My pleasure, Nick. I’m excited that I will be the second-most powerful man in the stadium later today.”

Saban: “Is there anything I can get you? We have some grilled chicken or turkey on a nice bed of greens.”

Trump: “No thanks coach – we drove the motorcade through Chick-fil-A on McFarland Ave before pulling into the stadium. Popeye’s has nothing on that sandwich!”

Saban: “Have you seen our facilities yet, sir?”

Trump: “I certainly have. You should come visit one of my properties sometime.”

Saban: “I’d be glad to, but they would probably be a step down.”

Trump: “So you do have a sense of humor!”

Saban: “My apologies, sir, it’s just that I’m proud of what we have built here.”

Trump: “And well you should be. Hey, I saw one of your huge linemen outside- he looked like he weighed 12,000 pounds.”

Saban: “Oh, that was our mascot, Big Al. Either that or Terrence Cody has come back to visit.”

Trump: “I knew I came to the right place. I get along with elephants much better than I do donkeys.”

Saban: “Have you had a chance this morning to visit with LSU coach Ed Orgeron?”

Trump: “Yes I have, and I must say that I couldn’t understand a word that he said.”

Saban: “We’ve been hoping that his players don’t understand him, either.”

Trump: “Would you like me to give him a nickname like ‘Sleepy Ed’?”

Saban: “No, that’s OK. We won’t need any more motivation for this game.

Trump: “Let me ask you, Nick, ‘How WILL you motivate your players for such a big game?’”

Saban: “I will tell them to imagine the LSU players as people they detest- any ideas?”

Trump: “How about Congress?”

Saban: “Hmmm … and LSU quarterback Joe Burrow?”

Trump: “Nancy Pelosi.”

Saban: “LSU receiver Justin Jefferson?

Trump: “Adam Schiff might work.”

Saban: “See? You’re getting the hang of it!”

Trump: “And the thought of what person gets your players mean and nasty?”

Saban: “Finebaum.”

Trump: “I’m sorry, Nick, I don’t know him.”

Saban: “Be glad, sir, be glad.”

Trump: “It sure looks like you are in control here. How do you prevent leaks?”

Saban: “That’s simple, sir: I just don’t let my assistants speak to the media. It’s one voice here, sir.”

Trump: “But how do you keep the ‘fake news’ media in check?”

Saban: “That’s easy. I simply wait until one of those boneheads asks a stupid question and I explode. It’s lots of fun and my base eats it up.”

Trump: “But how should I handle a reporter like Jim Acosta of CNN, a real pain in the backside?”

Saban: “I’ll be happy to send Raekwon Davis up to your place for a visit. One tackle will wipe that smarmy grin off Acosta’s face.”

Trump: “I see. What a game this should be. What’s the key for your team to win?

Saban: “Rushin’”

Trump: “I beg your pardon?”

Saban: “Oh, uh, I mean, consistently running the ball. We also need to get the ball to our receivers.”

Trump: “I understand they have big hands. That has to be an advantage, right?”

Saban: “That’s always an advantage.”

Trump: “Let me ask you about Tommy Tuberville. Should I endorse him for his U.S. Senate run?”

Saban: “That’s up to you, Mr. President.”

Trump: “Do you think Alabama fans will vote for him?”

Saban: “Of course! He was so successful against Alabama that the folks here went out and hired me.”

Trump: “You mean Tommy Tuberville was responsible for getting you to Tuscaloosa?”

Saban: “I guess you could say that. That’ll teach those Aubies for winning six straight against us.”

Trump: “Before I go, I wanted to ask you what kind of crowd size you might expect today.”

Saban: “Plenty big, sir. I know how much you like big crowds, and this will satisfy you.”

Trump: “Can’t wait to Tweet that out later today.”

Saban: I don’t Tweet, Mr. President, but I will take note of that.”

Trump: “You don’t Tweet? You should try it sometime. You would have more followers than me!”

Saban: “It’s been nice visiting with you, sir.”

Trump: “Same here, Nick. Hey, do you have time to get in a few holes at the Capstone Club before the game? I brought my clubs.”

Saban: “Not today, sir, but thank you.”

Trump: “That’s fine. Good luck to you, Nick. I hope that you never retire.”

Saban: “There are no term limits here, sir. I can coach for decades.”

Trump: “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

Saban: “Once again, it has been a pleasure. I can always tell my grandchildren about this nice chat with POTUS.”

Trump: “And I can tell my grandkids about this nice chat with the GOAT.”

Saban: “Indeed. Oh, and you can do me a favor today, Mr. President? Can you stay for the entire game?”

Trump: “Will do, coach. Will do!”

Rick Karle is a 24-time Emmy winning broadcaster and a special sports contributor to Yellowhammer News. He is also the host of the Huts and Nuts podcast.