Hey, Washington Post, here are 5 reasons why you're clueless about Alabama politics

Chris Cillizza, editor of The Washington Post’s political blog “The Fix” had this to say on Twitter Monday afternoon:

These are the 10 most politically boring states. Prove me wrong. http://t.co/IfuPSyeUA0

— Chris Cillizza (@TheFix) July 14, 2014

After clicking through to the article and realizing that Alabama was on The Fix’s list of the most politically boring states, we here at Yellowhammer felt it was our sacred duty to prove them wrong.

So here, in no particular order, are five reasons The Washington Post bloggers are darn near out of their minds to list Alabama among the country’s most politically boring states.

1. We produce the best viral video stars in politics

The Yellowhammer State produced arguably the web’s greatest viral political video star: Dale Peterson. His rise to YouTube stardom began with this ad for Agriculture Commissioner in 2010:

…Which spawned the Internet’s all-time greatest political ad parody (Warning: strong language):

Dale Peterson has since then run for President of the United States (sort of), been convicted of shoplifting twice (he’s appealing), and is now running for Alabama State Auditor, whose sole job is to keep track of the property owned by the state.

And then there was Republican gubernatorial candidate Tim James, who devoted an entire campaign ad to the question, “Why do our politicians make us give driver’s license exams in 12 languages?” (Hey, he’s got a point!)

…Which spawned another one of the Internet’s all-time greatest political ad parodies:

And then there’s Erick Wright, who’s currently running for the U.S. House in Alabama’s 2nd Congressional District. Mr. Wright burst onto the scene earlier this year by releasing a YouTube video titled “Politics on the Throne” in which he publicly pontificated on the potty. Yellowhammer picked it up first, but Wright’s restroom ramblings ultimately landed him on Fox News, where he ascended to his rightful place as American’s Great Commode Communicator.

And then there’s Darius Foster, a current Republican candidate for Alabama House who went viral for all the right reasons. Foster spent $350 to self-produce an incredible ad first picked up by Yellowhammer that propelled him into multiple national cable news appearances and the top spot on Time Magazines newly released list of the year’s best political ads.

2. We have Alvin Holmes

State Rep. Alvin Holmes (D-Montgomery) is a walking headline. When he saunters to the mic on the floor of the Alabama House, reporters grab their recorders and the gallery pays attention to see if Holmes is going to deliver one of his famous quasi-filibusters.

In 2014 alone he’s made national news for calling Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas a “prolific Uncle Tom” and for declaring that men should be allowed to marry mules.

The list of absurd Alvin Holmes moments could fill volumes, but his most famous rant came when a gourmet beer bill came before the Legislature. “What’s wrong with the beer we got?!” He exclaimed.

3. Our politicians defend their mother’s honor

Republican Sen. Charles Bishop punched Democratic Sen. Lowell Barron on the floor of the Alabama Senate in 2007. Why? Because Barron called him an S.O.B.

“Where I grew up, that’s somebody talking bad about your mother,” Bishop explained after he teed off on Barron’s face.

4. One-Party rule doesn’t mean there aren’t political wars being waged

Democrats ruled Alabama for 136 consecutive years until Republicans took control in 2010. It took over a century for the political pendulum to swing, but when it did, it swung hard. Republicans went from the minority to a super-majority in a single election cycle and now control every statewide office. So you can basically forget about the concept of incrementalism in Alabama’s Legislature, on some issues at least.

The Alabama Democratic Party is practically non-existent, but they were always a relatively minor player in comparison to the Alabama Education Association (AEA) anyway.

Here’s what The Daily Caller recently wrote about the AEA:

For much of the last four decades, the Alabama Education Association has risen to become one of the most powerful teachers’ unions in the country. As odd as it may seem in a dark red state, over the years long-time AEA executive director Paul Hubbert, oftentimes described as the “shadow governor” of Alabama, has earned his union the distinction of being one of the most politically involved organizations of its type in the country.

Even legendary Alabama Gov. George Wallace didn’t know what to do with the AEA back in the early 1970s. Flash forward over four decades and they spent $7 million on the 2014 election cycle, much of it apparently funneled through an elaborate web of entities designed to make it impossible to figure out where their money is going and to hide their involvement in GOP primaries, which are now the only game in town.

Combine that with the non-stop intra-party spats between feuding Republican factions and a bevy of ultra-ambitious politicos and you’ve got more political intrigue than a season of House of Cards.

5. Politics, business and sports — it’s all the same thing

One of the most fascinating (and certainly not boring!) aspects of Alabama politics is how interconnected it is with business and, most notably, sports.

Here are a just a handful of the hundreds of examples that could illustrate what I mean:

The Alabama Senate stalled for hours last year while debating a bill related to high school athletics. HIGH SCHOOL!
Businessman Edgar Welden, who is Chairman of the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame, is a former ALGOP Chairman and Republican National Committeeman.
State Sen. Jabo Waggoner, who Yellowhammer ranked the 5th most powerful person in Alabama politics this year, also serves on the board of the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame and played basketball at Auburn, and is on the Executive Committee of the Birmingham Business Alliance.
Alabama Power Company’s (Business!) Vice President of Governmental Relations (Politics!) is Auburn football legend and SEC Hall of Famer (Sports!) Quentin Riggins. He was number 28 on Yellowhammer’s 2014 Power & Influence 40 list.
Paul Bryant, Jr., who is the son of famous Alabama football coach Paul “Bear” Bryant, chairman of Bryant Bank and President Pro Tem of the Univ. of Alabama System Board of Trustees, can “call the governor and start moving mountains at a moment’s notice.”
President Pro Tem of the Auburn University Board Jimmy Rane runs the largest manufacturer of pressure-treated lumber in the world, has the ear of the state’s top elected officials, and hosts a massive charity event each year that brings in a who’s who of the sports world.
The list could go on and on… And by the way, is there any doubt that Nick Saban could win any political office in the state he wants?