Tom Greene: Four things the sandwich generation needs to hear

We are living longer. A lot longer. And, that longevity is throwing a monkey wrench in the system and creating a generation “sandwiched” between their children and their aging parents

For those in the sandwich generation, life can often feel like a never-ending game of Whack-A-Mole. Just as you help one family member with a crisis, another one pops up.

The sandwich generation officially refers to anyone who has a parent 65 or older and a child who is 18 or younger. It can also apply if that child is over 18 but is still enjoying “economic outpatient counseling” (financial support) from their parents. As young people struggle to establish financial independence, they are increasingly reliant on their parents for housing, rent and other forms of “economic outpatient counseling”.

If you’re reading this article, there’s a 1 in 4 chance, according to Pew Research, that you’re part of the sandwich generation. It’s comprised of extremely competent adults who can often feel like they’re barely holding it all together. Caring for children and aging adults takes the logistical skills of an Air Traffic Controller….and, of course, a lot of patience.

Age and gravity are undefeated, so far. The people who once cared for you now need help remembering doctor’s appointments, paying bills, and sometimes even basic daily tasks. At times it can often feel like aging parents and their children are trading places with each other.

That care typically begins with simple help doing mundane tasks. But, oftentimes, it can progress into providing nursing care in one form or another.

While we love our children and our parents, the combination of everyone’s needs can be financially straining. The logical solution, of course, is to just throw more money at the problem. Except, you’re supposed to be saving for your own retirement. But how do you prioritize your own future when you’re busy covering tuition, helping with health expenses and keeping the lights on for your children and your parents?

The harsh reality: many people in the sandwich generation are burning through their savings just trying to keep up. In addition to the financial strain, the emotional weight can be next-level exhausting.

Caring for kids and an aging parent isn’t just about paying for care—it’s about showing up. It’s about driving them to doctor’s appointments, making sure they’re eating well, and helping them navigate the ever-confusing world of insurance, prescription drugs, and Medicare.

If you think I’m about to offer you the magic bullet, super-secret solution to solve this generational conundrum, you’re about to be disappointed. There’s no magic fix here. But if you’re feeling the squeeze, there are some ways to make it a little more bearable.

Start Talking Early

Most people avoid talking about money, aging, and long-term care until it’s too late. If your parents are still in decent health, now is the time to talk about their financial situation, their wishes, and how they want to handle their later years. It’s uncomfortable, but future-you will be grateful.

2. Set Boundaries (Even When It Feels Impossible)

You can’t be everything to everyone all the time. Sometimes, you have to say no. No, you can’t cover every expense. No, you can’t be available 24/7. No, you can’t magically fix every problem. And that’s okay.

3. Get Help (Because You Can’t Do It Alone)

There’s no shame in hiring help if you can afford it. Caregivers, financial advisors, even therapists—having a support system in place can make a world of difference. If money is tight, look into community resources and support groups. You don’t have to shoulder this alone.

Lose the Guilt

Lastly, the most important advice is to stop feeling guilty about everything. You are doing the best you can and nobody is judging you.

That’s it, the four things the sandwich generation needs to hear. I know it’s a tough conversation to have, but future you will be grateful.

Tom Greene is a writer living in Atlanta, Georgia, with his wife and loyal wiener dog, Maggie. His writing can be found at www.tomgreene.com. He can be reached at [email protected]