Visit any major metropolitan city and you’ll see them everywhere: Fully Self Driving (FSD) Waymo vehicles with nobody behind the wheel. Now imagine sitting in the backseat without knowing the destination.
You have zero control of the speed or direction of travel. The “computer” makes turn after turn with no driver and no explanation.
Hitting pothole after pothole. In frustration, you stop trying to figure it out. You’re just along for the ride. Soon enough you no longer recognize anything out the window. You begin to feel lost and out of control.
I think we can both agree that nobody likes feeling lost or out of control. When you feel lost or out of control, the best solution is to focus on what you can control: the five key pillars of happiness.
Pillar #1: Focus on faith, family, friendship & work that serves others
According to author Arthur Brooks, people who have built their identity around money, power, pleasure, and fame often struggle later in life. Why? As we age, our sense of identity, satisfaction, and purpose often diminishes, leading individuals to feel less important and less valuable.
Brooks suggests that if you attempt to boil down the vast ocean of research on happiness and fulfillment, you’ll find that success is not part of the formula.
The happiest people are deeply committed to faith, family, friendship, and work that serves others. Things that serve as bulwarks when life feels out of control.
Pillar #2: Spend it now
I think we can all agree that the goal during our time on Earth is to thrive, so that at the end of the road, we are full of memories and experiences that leave us satisfied with the journey.
If you are 50 years old today, you only have a 50% chance of living to see age 80. Even if you do live to 80, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be in any condition to travel and do the things you’ve dreamed about during all those years driving the desk at work.
So, start spending that nest egg and creating indelible memories before your afternoon cocktail includes two Tablespoons of orange Metamucil and a dose of Geritol.
Pillar #3: Hang on until your 40’s
Our happiness peaks at around 18-20 years old and starts a steep decline. In our 40s, most people begin to realize that life is pretty good, even if they aren’t Taylor Swift or Patrick Mahomes.
Our happiness slide begins to bottom out, and we start a steep climb out of the pit of despair. We begin to recognize our blessings and acknowledge our own mortality.
We practice a little more gratitude over what we have and hold, realizing that life’s not so bad after all. So, if you feel lost or out of control just hang on until your 40’s.
It gets better.
Pillar #4: Delay, delay, delay gratification
People who learn to manage their need for immediate gratification will thrive more in their careers, relationships, health, and fitness—but it’s hard.
We aren’t wired to delay our gratification, and today, we are surrounded by more temptation than a toddler in a candy aisle. According to studies by psychologist Daniel Kahneman, “Humans consistently overestimate the value or pleasure of what they don’t have and underestimate the pain or loss of losing something they do have.”
That kind of thinking is what leads us to make poor decisions, especially when we feel lost or out of control.
Pillar #5 Embrace the solitude
We are surrounded by chattering voices. The talking heads on the news channels, the podcasts and the near constant buzzing and pinging of smartphones.
There is simply no time—no time for quiet contemplation, no time for reflection, no time to practice gratitude when we feel lost. Enlightenment comes from being in the present moment, expanding your understanding of life and the world around you, and growing your awareness.
It’s the reason why Jesus Christ, Moses, and Mohammed went on their own spiritual walkabouts. It seemed to work for them.
So, when you feel lost or out of control start by focusing on faith, family, friendship, and work that serves others.
Second, plan to spend your money now creating memories that you’ll cherish later.
Third, realize that life gets better after you cross over age 40. After all, 40 is the new 30. Fourth, delay, delay, delay gratification. Fifth, the best way to get back in control of things is to embrace some solitude.
And if you need to feel in control, you probably ought to stay out of those Fully Self Driving (FSD) vehicles for a few more years.
Tom Greene is a writer living in Atlanta, Georgia with his wife and loyal wiener dog, Maggie. His writing can be found at www.tomgreene.com. He can be reached at [email protected]
