Reeder: It is ‘absolutely ludicrous’ to think a mother’s absence in crucial first 3 years has no effect



 

 

 

 

 

 

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TOM LAMPRECHT:  Harry, I want to take you to a story which our friends over at BreakPoint have also covered. There is a new book called “Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters.”

It’s written by a New York psychoanalyst by the name of Erica Komisar. She has some interesting statistics and some of them are rather alarming, including, she says, the number of kids hospitalized for eating disorders have increased 119 percent in the last decade and she points to the fact that mothers are absent.

DR. REEDER: She also goes into some of the areas of, “behavioral disorders.” She goes into the unbelievable rise of suicide among teenagers. The statistics are startling.

Clearly, from her guild of being a psychoanalyst, she has amassed this analysis that has taken place over decades and she finally has just come out, “Look, I’m just going to tell you the truth. Particularly, the first three years, the mother has to be there. She just has to be there,” with the full realization that, in our culture today, it is unbelievable.

This is my opinion, here at this point – she doesn’t say this – but I believe the tax structure in our government to support a bloated and runaway authoritative government has basically robbed most families of the notion of, “Can we afford for the mother to be with the children during those crucial nurturing years?” and, instead, “Nope, got to put her to work.”

And if you take the average salary of women in the workforce, you will find that it directly matches the increased amount of money that is going to the government since the 1940s. The two-income has to be the norm and you can’t make any principled decisions.

“Can my wife work outside the home?” Absolutely, she can. Go read the Proverbs 31 woman and there is no doubt of the “work outside the home opportunity for women.”

However, the point is, if I get married and if I have children, do I have an ethical obligation of what a father is supposed to do and what a mother is supposed to do? The consistency of the Christian world and life view says this: The father is responsible to provide in such a way that the mother is free to nurture.

I love that, at the moment of our covenantal baptisms, Tom, the father names the child and the blessing, hands me the child, we place the sign of the covenant, enfolding the child into the covenant and affirming the promises of God, “I will be a God to you and to your children after you,” and then I hand the child to the mother, affirming this primary role of nurturing.

That doesn’t mean the father is not involved, but the father cannot replace the mother. There’s no way. A father’s love and a mother’s love are different.

There was an interesting study one time, Tom, which I found amusing but, yet, troubling at the same time. We spent, literally, millions and millions of dollars on a study and the final verdict was this: Two mature adults in a home is crucial for the well-being of the nurture of the children in that home.

Now, notice how they painfully stayed away from saying, “a father and mother,” just “two mature adults,” in order to accommodate the mythical notion that a same-sex marriage can provide a healthy home.

It cannot and it won’t because that’s one of the reasons that I continue to speak against this fabrication of same-sex marriage, because I do not want to consign the next generation of children to a home in which there is likely not only not a father properly functioning, but you don’t have a mother properly functioning.

A child needs a father and mother and that is exactly what this study and research affirms – that you need both.

By the way, in that same study, they noted another thing: that fathers and mothers, when they discipline, reprove or correct – that is negative or positive – that the mother adopts, instinctively, a different physical posture than the father.

The mother almost always will either stand or sit beside the child and speak to the child, usually, with their arm around them. The father almost always stands in front of the child, eye-to-eye and speaks to the child. That’s what fathers do. Fathers have a corrective style that is related to what a father can provide.

I remember when I was going through a very, very painful reset of a broken arm and I can remember my dad, at the end of the bed, saying to me, “Son, you can do it.” My mother, beside me, encouraging me that I can do it. Both were necessary.

I needed that and, in many times in my life, I have remembered that when I have faced challenging situations and I can still see my father saying, “Son, you can do that,” and I still feel the calmness of my mother right beside me, “Son, I’m with you.”

Those are the things that they provide. That is what Dr. Erica Komisar, this New York psychoanalyst, is affirming, particularly in the opening three years.

It is amazing, most of the ethical commitments of a child and their world and life view are embraced by age 5. Most of their perspectives in life, and how they view life and how they embrace life is affirmed in the opening 3 to 5 years of a child.

We do tutoring and we purposefully send hundreds of our members into urban schools to tutor but we say, “Please deploy them under the age of 8 because that’s when tutoring has its greatest effect.”

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work afterwards, but that’s when it has its greatest effect. These highly impressionable initial years are crucial in the life of a child and the notion that a woman who is the mother is a moveable quantity – that is, she can walk away and it has no effect or she can stay it may or may not have an effect – is absolutely ludicrous.

There is no one who can replace the mother in the life of the child. No one. The woman’s gifts and unique abilities are irreplaceable. Can she work outside the home? Absolutely, but the question is not what can you do, but what should you do?

Therefore, fathers ought to do everything they can, not only to be engaged as a father in bringing your child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, but also doing everything you can to make sure that your child has the presence and availability of that indispensable ministry and unique gifting that a mother brings to the task and the opening years are absolutely crucial.

Therefore, I am grateful that she has affirmed it. I am grateful that Dr. Komisar has had the courage – because, believe me, she is being targeted. And I am not surprised that it affirms Biblical truth once again that there is a glorious blessing through a father’s leading love and a mother’s nurturing love in the life of a child.

There is no substitute for them and thank God that he has given us direction as to how to establish not only a healthy marriage – one man, one woman for one life – but healthy families where fathers provide the environment of security and stability and a mother provides the instruction of kindness from her tongue that has lifelong effects at the very initial stages of life in the life of every child that God has entrusted to that family.

Dr. Harry L. Reeder III is the Senior Pastor of Briarwood Presbyterian Church in Birmingham.

This podcast was transcribed by Jessica Havin. Jessica is editorial assistant for Yellowhammer News. Jessica has transcribed some of the top podcasts in the country and her work has been featured in a New York Times Bestseller.

21 mins ago

6 suggestions to protect yourself from stimulus check scams

Congress moved quickly to help the American public with a $2 trillion stimulus bill.

Unfortunately, fraud experts believe scammers will move just as quickly to try to take your share away. The key is to arm yourself with information.

“No doubt, there will be fake messages that will make countless claims,” said Don White, head of Corporate Security at Regions Bank. “Scammers may text, email or call you, asking for your banking information or claiming they can process your stimulus payment for you. Don’t take the bait. Do not, under any circumstance, give away your personal information via text, email or phone to someone you do not know who is soliciting you.”

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The bipartisan legislation to boost the economy amid the COVID-19 pandemic includes economic relief for American taxpayers in the form of stimulus checks. Each eligible adult will receive up to $1,200, based on gross income.

According to Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, the checks could go out in the next two weeks, although there are still questions as to how the money will be distributed. For example, someone who received a refund on 2019 taxes via the Automated Clearing House (ACH) could receive a direct deposit.

Meanwhile, scammers are ready to take advantage by reaching out and saying your account information is needed, or that you can have their relief check for a small fee.

To avoid fraud, consider these suggestions:

1. Hang up. Don’t reply. The IRS, Treasury Department or other government agencies will not call, email or text message people to collect account information, Social Security numbers or credit card information. Anyone who does is likely a scammer, White said.

2. Do not pay anyone offering to get your stimulus funds early or sell you additional stimulus checks. This is a promise that they will not be able to fulfill.

3. Enroll in your bank’s or credit card company’s online and mobile applications to monitor your account activity frequently, looking for suspicious activity.

4. Avoid clicking on unknown links, which may expose you to viruses or malware.

5. While online, verify the legitimacy of websites you visit.

– Turn on browser tools, which can help identify fraudulent websites.

– Ensure the websites are secure and encrypted with HTTPS.

– Look for links that are broken or take you away from the original website.

– Shop through websites you know and trust.

6. As always, slow down, verify, and verify again the legitimacy of financial transactions before approving. Look for changes to account numbers, phone numbers, email addresses or other identifying information.

“We are seeing a spike in fraud activity during the COVID-19 pandemic,” said Jon Kucharski, Fraud Strategy Manager at Regions. “No matter what this payment winds up being, only scammers will ask you to pay to get it. Just keep in mind, these unusual times require patience and a little extra vigilance to keep your finances safe.”

(Courtesy of Regions)

45 mins ago

‘Don’t let the corona get on ya!’ — Alabama retirees sing during COVID-19 crisis

An Alabama retirement community shared a helpful message on social media this week amid the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.

In a video posted on Facebook, residents of Wesley Gardens Retirement Community in Montgomery joined with facility driver Lee McBryde (while practicing social distancing by staying six steps away) to dance and sing some important lyrics during the COVID-19 crisis such as properly washing hands and covering up when coughing and sneezing to help prevent the spread.

“Don’t let the corona get on ya!” McBryde sang as residents danced around him while holding containers of disinfectant wipes.

Watch:

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Birmingham meal prep business offers buy one, give one to help feed those in need

During the novel COVID-19 economic and health crisis, one Birmingham based small business has created a way to give back. Mealfit, a catering and meal preparation company, is donating a free meal to someone in need for every meal that is ordered.

Each customer who purchases a meal for themselves will be offered an opportunity to identify someone who may be in need. Mealfit will provide a meal to those in need at no additional costs.

Mealfit founder and CEO Thomas Cox launched the program as a way to help the community during a time of need.

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“I’ve been racking my brain as a small business owner on how I can provide high-quality, healthy food in a time when people are stuck at home, while also helping people who are in need,” said Cox.

“Everyone has someone who is in need whether it be an elderly person, a single parent or someone who has been laid off because of the crisis we are going through. So from now until further notice, every time you order your Mealfit meals, we will give to a family in need,” Thomas stated.

Customers can order through the company website by 12:00 p.m. on Sunday and pick up food between 4:00-5:00 p.m. on Monday at one of 17 different locations in Birmingham. Once an order is placed the customer can simply respond to their confirmation email and identify the name, number of family members, phone number and email of the person they would like to have a free meal. Mealfit will handle the rest.

Cox only has one small request for the greater Birmingham community: “We ask that you spread the word. We can’t reach everyone on our own, but with your help, we can reach more of the people who are in need that we aren’t directly connected with.”

Go to this website and order food for you and your family. 

2 hours ago

Jefferson County: Recovering elderly COVID-19 patients must be returned to their nursing homes

The Jefferson County Department of Health (JCDH) is asking nursing homes in the area to take back patients still testing positive for the coronavirus, according to a letter brought to light by the Alabama Nursing Home Association (ANHA).

The leading studies available have shown that COVID-19 is much more deadly for people over 65 than any other age group.

ANHA communications director John Matson told Alabama Media Group that the new county guidelines go “against sound medical advice.”

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The JCDH cites “the possibility that our hospitals will not have the capacity to care for a large number of patients infected with COVID-19” as the reason for nursing homes to take in the coronavirus-positive patients.

According to the department, individuals testing positive for the virus will only be returned to a nursing home if two conditions are both met:

  • At least three days (72 hours) have passed since recovery, defined as resolution of fever without use of fever-reducing medications and improvement in respiratory symptoms (e.g., cough, shortness of breath)
  • At least seven days have passed since symptoms first appeared.

The department added that some patients may be returned before those conditions are met if their facility is able to adopt certain extra precautions.

Because the new guidelines are being issued by the Jefferson County Department of Health, they only apply to nursing homes in Jefferson County.

Additionally, patients hospitalized without COVID-19 symptoms do not have to test negative before being readmitted to their nursing home.

“For weeks we haven’t allowed family members and volunteers to visit our nursing homes, and our families understand why,” Matson told Alabama Media Group.

“Now they can’t visit, but we’re supposed to admit someone that’s COVID-19 positive?” Matson added.

The Jefferson County Health Department is assuring the public that it is following guidelines laid out by the CDC.

Henry Thornton is a staff writer for Yellowhammer News. You can contact him by email: henry@yellowhammernews.com or on Twitter @HenryThornton95.

Ainsworth: A little effort can make a big difference in the fight against the COVID-19 virus

Every American was a bit disappointed when the White House announced this week that social distancing guidelines will remain in place at least until April 30, and some governors across the nation have mandated that statewide shelter-in-place orders may be enforced until the end of June.

Working from home, avoiding contact with others and venturing into public only when absolutely necessary can make life seem much like the Bill Murray movie, “Groundhog Day.” Each day, the temptation to break a social distancing guideline becomes a little harder to resist and the desire to ignore protocols and immediately return to your normal routine becomes that much greater.

But facts, statistics and simple, everyday hard truths demand that we not only hold the course in the fight against COVID-19, but also practice stricter self-discipline in how we act and what we do.

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As this column is being written, Alabama is teetering on the edge of its 1,000th documented case of Coronavirus, and 19 of our fellow Alabama citizens have already succumbed to the deadly sickness.

Every indicator points to the situation getting significantly worse in our state before it begins to improve, and President Trump has ordered additional ventilators sent to Alabama from the national stockpile in order to prepare for what awaits us.

If current trends continue, Alabama’s healthcare resources will likely be pushed beyond capacity by the end of the month, and the number of hospital and ICU beds that are needed will exceed the total number we have in the state.

The good news is that Alabamians can prove all of these projections and possible doomsday scenarios wrong if we just use common sense, take self-responsibility, and follow the rules that health professionals suggest.

Too many among us are still refusing to take the COVID-19 crisis seriously, and by doing that, they threaten their own lives along with the lives of everyone they love and everyone they meet.

Since Gov. Kay Ivey declared the state’s Gulf Coast beaches closed in order to enforce social distancing, the Alabama Law Enforcement Agency has reported a dramatic surge in weekend traffic on Alabama’s lakes and rivers.

My family and I live by Lake Guntersville, and we have noticed the massive groups of people congregating together, jumping from party boat to party boat, and ignoring every rule about social distancing and self-isolation that the Center for Disease Control has asked us to follow.

It may come as a surprise to these weekend revelers, but sun, water and cold beer are not effective vaccines against COVID-19.

For proof of this fact, just look toward the group of University of Wisconsin-Madison students who spent their Spring Break in Gulf Shores in mid-March. Upon their return north, several of the students have displayed symptoms and tested positive for COVID-19, and all of them are currently under quarantine.

Each time an individual or family decides to strictly follow CDC guidelines and do their part in the fight against coronavirus, the numbers bend in our direction, and all of us get that much closer to safely resuming normalcy.

Assuming Alabama has a daily infection rate of 20%, trends show that we can expect to have more than 245,000 total cases of COVID-19 by May 1, but if through discipline and resolve we can reduce that daily growth to 10%, a little more than 9,000 cases will occur. At 5% growth, we have only 1,600.

In other words, just a little effort and diligence from all of us can make a tremendous difference. Social distancing is recommended because the virus that causes COVID-19 can travel at least three feet when coughed or sneezed, and it can live on surfaces for days.

The rules for social distancing are easy to understand and follow, and they require you to remain at least six feet away from others, wash your hands frequently with soap, sanitize and wipe down surfaces, stay at home to stop the spread, and self-quarantine and contact your physician if you experience symptoms.

President Trump was wise to extend the social distancing requirements for at least another month, but all of us look forward to the day when future extensions will not be necessary. To accomplish that goal, we must each remember three simple things – stay smart, stay healthy and, most importantly, stay home.

Will Ainsworth is the lieutenant governor of Alabama and serves as an appointed member of Gov. Kay Ivey’s COVID-19 Task Force.